Dear Friend,
Are you sick of being conned, evangelized to, and fake-friended on the “social web”? Has all the Facebooking, Twittering, Ping.fm-ing and Blip.tv-ing made you forget how to have a face-to-face conversation? Tired of seeing bullshit business books released by authors whose only business experience is at a drive-thru window? Me too.
There are only so many Web 2.0-isms a person can take before she goes certifiably insane and starts coining her own 2-bit phrases (such as Chronic Bullshit Syndrome).
Wouldn’t it be nice to read a book that isn’t a how-to for manipulating your online “friends” into joining your circlejerk for a profit? I thought so too. Hence, the birth of my latest work:
Case studies show that Chronic Bullshit Syndrome affects 4.7 out of 5 internet users* today, causing thousands of social networkers to walk around with their heads so far up their asses that they ultimately experience tragic health problems as a result.
The marketplace, and your asshole, has had enough. For only $7, you can buy your copy of Chronic Bullshit Syndrome today. It’ll clear that shit right up.
LIMITED TIME BONUS: Each copy comes with a life-sized blow-up Social Media Guru who will be there for you 24/7 to act as a transition object during this important phase of your rehabilitation.
UPDATE as of 11/30/09 7:00 P.M. CST 12/05/09 4:20 P.M. CST: There are only 9,763 453 more blow-up bonus guru dolls left. If you don’t order quickly, you might not get one.
UPDATE as of 11/30/09 9:47 P.M. CST: I might be raising the price of this book to $49 next week next month sometime, as I’ve been told by more than one homeless social media expert that I am undervaluing myself by charging so little. I have a lot of mouths to feed, now that all of these social media gurus who bought my book have followed me home like stray cats, so please don’t be surprised if I up the price to seven times its market value and you miss this limited-time reasonable offer.
UPDATE as of 12/07/09 9:47 P.M. CST: Amy Derby, highly unrenowned non-author of the fictitious book Chronic Bullshit Syndrome, begins bogus book tour over Hanukkah holiday. Get your copy of Chronic Bullshit Syndrome signed at any of the following dates/locations:
- 9:40 a.m. Friday, December 11, at the LaSalle Street Metra Station in Chicago
- 11:11 a.m. Friday, December 11, at the Greyhound Bus Terminal in Chicago
- Friday – Sunday, December 11-13, at any scheduled Greyhound bus stop between Chicago and San Francisco
- 4:20 p.m. December 14, at Brainwash Cafe in San Francisco
P.S. There is no book. It’s all a joke an exercise in Chronic Bullshit Syndrome. Click here if you want the back-story.
Do not waste your time searching for the title on Amazon or on the New York Times bestseller list. THERE IS NO BOOK. I PROMISE.
Seriously. Please put away your wallet. Do not email me your credit card number. Do not PayPal me $20 and follow up with an email like this:
P.P.S. If you, like my new pal Maxwell T. Horschwitz, are suffering from such a severe case of Chronic Bullshit Syndrome that you are contemplating ending your own life… please seek medical attention or call a suicide hotline such as 1-800-SUICIDE, with which I am not affiliated. If you get Bill W., please give him my regards.
BS Award
BS Testimonial
"I couldn't see how full of shit I was until I read this book. As a new media consultant charging $400/hour to corporations to devise pointless strategies that would ultimately get them sued and send them into bankruptcy, I should have known better.
I should have listened to my mother when she told me not to be a theater major. I never was a very good actor.
Since reading Chronic Bullshit Syndrome, I have spent long hours in reflection and prayer, trying to decide what my next game plan will be. There aren't many jobs available here in Moron, Buenos Aires. That's where I live now, but I grew up in Cleveland. It's a long story.
I have been trying to get ahold of my mother to ask her advice, but she hasn't talked to me since that one time that I stole all her furniture and sold it to buy drugs.
This morning God told me to kill myself, so I probably will go ahead with that after I read an ebook or two on how to successfully slit my wrists. I don't want to have to do this more than once.
Thank you for helping me see the light."
-- Maxwell T. Horschwitz, former CEO of Horschwitz Media Solutions